And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
