You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
