I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
