So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
