I CAN MOONWALK!
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize