i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize