there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
