Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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