New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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