please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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