Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
