i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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