He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
