Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
