just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize