I wish I could punch you in the face.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
