whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
