Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
