rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
