im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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