i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
