Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
