i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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