proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
