I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
