eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
