One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Randomize
