If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
He is an equal opportunity slut.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
