I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
