THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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