right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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