so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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