I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
