If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
