mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
