btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
