I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
