I think i peed on brittanys purse
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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