I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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