so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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