Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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