im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
The air taste purple.
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