he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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