goodnight i made you a song goodbye
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
