I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
