So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
