I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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