i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize