I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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