if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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