you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
