Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
