So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
