Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
