He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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