Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
im about as happy as oj after his trial
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
