I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
