That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
