put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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