R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
