I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
