fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
