Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
