Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize