I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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