Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
