next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
