She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
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