Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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