The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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