He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
