my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
