If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
