According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
