He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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