Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
BRING THE BAGELS
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
