Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
