its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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