She announced her abortion via fbk
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
