I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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