That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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