The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
