i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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