I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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