does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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